I'll have to remember this idea in a few years...

I don't know who had the genius idea—and courage—to stick this post-it on their fridge door but, as evil as it may seem for kids all around the world, it's the best parenting tip I've ever seen on this age of underage internet junkies. More »



[From Is This the Best or the Most Evil Parenting Trick Ever? [Internet]]

Technology 1, Cast 0

So, I just upgraded to OS X Mountain lion, and one of the cool new features is voice-to-text recognition. Granted, there are other commercial options out there, but this new feature is built right into the operating system. I have "written" this entire post using just my voice, which is especially useful to me now, after my recent inglorious encounter with the Amsterdam pavement. Thank you Apple!

Time to start building my herd...

Reduce Animal Unemployment: Hire A Goat By Movoto Real Estate

Maybe I can try this when my elbow's better...

Seven More Words You Can't Say?

Balls.
Gun.
Smoked.
Colt .45.
Whore.
Drugs.
Green.

Apparently George Carlin's famous list is in need of some additions. At least, that's the only conclusion I can come to after hearing the great track "What It's Like" (NSFW, evidently…) by Everlast on the radio recently.* In an absurdly Kimmel-esque barrage of hyper-censorship, we're left hearing lines like this:

"…Late one night there was a big […] fight and Max lost his head
Pulled out his […] talked some […] and wound up dead…"

Now, granted, the third of these ellipses is a fairly universally-recognized profanity prohibited on TV/radio. My problem with this is that such extreme redaction serves to elevate perfectly innocuous words (in this case "gun" and "Colt .45") to the same profane status as Carlin's dirty seven. While I suppose I can understand the desire to avoid glorifying the use of firearms in pop culture, whoever came up with this particular censorship regimen clearly wasn't listening to the broader context, because the whole point of this verse is a lament about the violence inherent in the drug-selling environment. In another (even more absurd) excerpt, we hear:

"…I licked the silver spoon, drank from the golden cup, […] the finest […]…"

Really? "Smoked the finest green" has the same profane status as "fucking" and "shit" also bleeped from the song? What a crock! The phrase is already a pretty tame euphemism for "consuming cannabis," itself a fairly inoffensive locution, IMHO.

Why does this matter? I suppose it doesn't, in the grand scheme of things. Still, it bothers me every time I hear it, especially given the particularly myopic censorship of this song, the message of which is related to not passing judgment on others. Practically, I'm also currently struggling with instilling a proper respect for the power of language in my pre-schooler, as his vocabulary expands exponentially. Sure, I don't want him dropping the F-bomb for at least another couple of years, but I fear that our limiting his use of terms like "stupid" and "hit you" will "profanitise" these terms in his young mind. Unlike Everlast's censors, I hope I can find a better line in the sand to teach him the appropriate respect for the power of the spoken word.

*Okay, actually this has bothered me for years, and I'm only now getting around to venting about it.

:-D

[From From The Desk Of The Office Manager: Cuckold Card]

People:



I'm sorry to report that this past weekend, Tyson Brown in HR was CUCKOLDED. A "condolences" greeting card is being sent around the office. Write something nice for the cuckold, OK?

The card is being passed around with a list of office employees. Once your write in the card, scratch your name off the list and give it to the next person. We need to make sure EVERYBODY IN THE OFFICE ACKNOWLEDGES TYSON'S NEWLY-BESTOWED HORNS, so don't mess up the system. It is rules like these that distance us from the beasts, folks. If you have never written in an office-wide cuckold condolence card, here is a list of TIPS and TRICKS:

• Make scant mention of the act itself. If you have to describe the way in which another man turned Tyson's own marriage bed into a fetid den of iniquity, go light on the details.



• If you choose to draft an allegorical illustration of a cuckoo bird dashing another bird's eggs on the rocks and depositing its own in their stead, don't use up too much space on the card. 34 other people need to acknowledge Tyson's wife's treachery, so be respectful and keep your drawing compact.



• REMINDER: TYSON'S WIFE'S NAME IS: JESSICA, AND SHE IS: LOVELY BEYOND MEASURE. Here are some ways to describe her if you're too lazy to think of your own (ahem, you're welcome). "Fair Jessica"; "She by whom Helen of Troy is but plain"; "That nonpareil of grace"; "Fey nymph Jessica". Please REPLY-ALL to this message if you use any of these so that nobody doubles-up.



• While composing your message, remember to navigate between the Scylla of prolixity and the Charybdis of terseness. Examples of the latter: "Sorry!"; "Bummer re: cuckoldry, bro"; "U can rebound on me LOL." I've seen these messages and their ilk a hundred times in office cuckoldry cards. IF I SEE ANY TRITE GARBAGE LIKE THIS I WILL WHITE IT OUT I KID YOU NOT.



• We are asking people to chip in for a pair of BULL'S HORNS to mount on Tyson's cubicle. Everybody needs to do their part to ensure that Tyson's shame is manifested physically, so don't skimp.

Finally, if you are the one who ravaged sweet Jessica, taunt not the cuckold.



- Bye -



Katherine Tull-Potts, BA

Office Manager

This sandwich is hurty

Guess my flight home from Amsterdam could've been worse...

Four turkey sandwiches found on separate Delta Air Lines flights from Amsterdam to the United States contained what appeared to be sewing needles, the airline said Monday.

[From Needles found in airline sandwiches]

"Test" post; Book of Revelation

This is really more of a test post than anything, but I did find this review by Adam Gopnik of Elaine Pagels' book Revelations: Visions, Prophecy, and Politics in the Book of Revelation for the New Yorker interesting. (via Kottke.org)

Abd el-Kader

Well, I've decided to try some blogging again…we'll see how long it sticks this time.  First "new" post is this excellent profile of Abd el-Kader (Via kottke.org) I finally got around to reading and I heartily recommend it.  Enjoy!